Help! I’m (not) a leader, get me out of here!

Elizabeth Loney

Do you ever wonder how you got where you are? Are you sure you see yourself as others do? 

Dr Elizabeth Loney, Consultant Radiologist and Associate Medical Director,  reflects on imposter syndrome and offers tips on how to manage it.

 

How many times have you sat in a meeting and looked around the room thinking, “what on earth am I doing here? Everyone else knows way more about this than I do, and they know it!”

The first senior management meeting that I attended started with reviewing the minutes of the last. As I read through the document, I realised I had no idea what much of it said—death by TLAs (three letter acronyms!). I nudged the person next to me and said, “what does … stand for?” They shrugged their shoulders and whispered to the person on their other side “what does … mean?” It took five people down the line before someone knew what it was! I found that reassuring, but also slightly scary. The fact that other people were in the same boat made me feel less like an idiot, but at the same time, how could such a senior group not understand the jargon and why had they said nothing? So… lesson one: be curious and not afraid to ask questions. You’re probably just asking what most people are thinking anyway!

About six months ago I started the Nye Bevan Programme with the NHS Leadership Academy. If I pass, I will allegedly have proven myself ready for an NHS executive leadership role. There are around 48 others in my cohort, all senior leaders in different areas of the NHS. What the heck am I doing there?! I’m just a doctor, not a leader. I might sort things out for people as Clinical or Divisional Director but I’ve never felt more like a “public servant” than when in a “leadership role”. I had serious Imposter Syndrome. The first residential was entitled “Knowing Yourself and Others” and was all about the impact you have on others as a leader and why you act as you do—unconscious bias and all. It was a traumatic experience for me. I did so much “reflecting” I felt like a mirror! I couldn’t do it—just give me a few scans to report! I’m not a leader—get me out of here. However, I got chatting to others that week and realised that pretty much everyone else in the room felt the same. Most people suffer with this issue at some time—and if you don’t, why not? A little humility is a wonderful thing.

Are you affected by low self-confidence? At times like this, seeking peer feedback can be helpful. As part of the course I had to send out a questionnaire asking others I had led on a work programme for anonymous feedback. That was scary! I asked questions including “what do I do well?” and “what could I do better?” I half expected to be slated but, to my surprise, the feedback was really positive. My view of myself was distorted. I may not see myself as a leader but apparently others do! So… lesson two: when you feel like an imposter remember that many others in the room feel the same way. There must be a reason why you are there. What do others see in you, that you do not? What is your role in the group? ‘If not you… who?’

So ends my first blog as Chair of the BIR Leadership and Management SIG… another position I find myself in wondering how I got here! What do I know about leadership? I’m not an expert. However, I do have a passion for self-improvement and a curious nature. Why not join me on my journey to “managerial enlightenment”? We have such a lot to learn from one another.

I hope to meet you in person at the BIR Annual Congress where we will gain inspiration from excellent speakers covering topics on “practical” and “personal” management, including an interactive session by Philips based on their “Insights” programme—expect to be up on your feet! We are also holding our first annual event on leadership, “Leadership 2020” on 31 January 2020. Come along and join us for more opportunities to learn, network and ask questions.

See you there!

Dr Elizabeth Loney,

Chair of the BIR Leadership and Management Special Interest Group

BIR ANNUAL CONGRESS 7 and 8 November 2019 

 

BIR LEADERSHIP 2020 event 31 January 2020

More about the BIR leadership and management SIG here 

Join the open SIG here  (BIR member only)

About Dr Elizabeth Loney

Dr Elizabeth Loney is Chair of the BIR Leadership and Management Special Interest Group (SIG). She is a Consultant Radiologist and Associate Medical Director and Consultant Radiologist at Calderdale and Huddersfield NHS Foundation Trust.

 

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